"In my experience, the longer the name, the more discrete one wants to be." As soon as there's a 'von' in there, it's repression and awkwardness all the way down.

"I had noticed that, ah, people tended to be quite free with their affections. In public." And pubic. Which had been an amazing typo I only caught at the last minute. "Is it mandatory or just that the odds aren't in my favour?"