Duplicity Game Mods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
duplicitymods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
duplicitymemes2024-01-10 03:40 pm
duplicitymods) wrote in duplicitymemes2024-01-10 03:40 pm
Entry tags:
TDM #34
« « « TEST DRIVE MEME » » »
It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. Yet, solace is found in the lies we tell each other, comforted by the peace of knowing that we're not alone in our depravity, and once on this path, sin itself becomes the lesser of two evils masked in a cloud of normalcy. This is how Duplicity has functioned since the beginning. The divide of power and social standing is overt in that Dominants influence the decisions made both publicly and privately while Submissives cater to the rules presented to them. It is the way of Duplicity to assign random designations at birth with no leeway in altering what has been given. Climate in the Up is far stricter than that of the Down; violating outlined personas for a Dominant or Submissive while in full view of others is punished by degree of infraction. In the Down, many tend to turn a blind eye to these sorts of offenses. To counteract the discovery of the deceit gene – a natural "negative" response to all stimuli – the LIEs program was founded. The program had been designed to introduce new subjects to the current environment and test for the deceit gene through immersion in Duplicity's standing society. Sexual impulses and encounters increase the chances of detecting the gene within these individuals. Participants are typically released from LIEs after a year; however, results have remained unsatisfactory and testing still continues. ... and you're here! Finally! Welcome to Duplicity. After choosing a door and stepping through to the other side, the first thing that greets you are the enthusiastic faces of people in medical scrubs and pristine lab coats. Their enthusiasm translates to eagerness as they strip you of your clothes to perform a thorough examination—you will be healed, bathed, and given a paper gown to wear until your items can be processed and delivered to your residence later in the evening. You are also given a device that accesses the network as well as the time and location of Orientation. If you enter Duplicity into the Up, congratulations! You're a Dominant, which means you are immediately picked up by a limo after processing and taken to your high-rise. Here, it is two Dominants per floor with separate apartments. If you enter Duplicity into the Down, congratulations! You're a Submissive, which means you are directed towards public transportation with the address of the motel you'll be living in. Here, it is two Submissives per room with a shared common space for all rooms. Submissives are provided with a plain black pleather collar to wear and Dominants are given bracelets made of the same black pleather. The simple design is an immediate visual indicator that they have not yet signed a contract and they will be informed that more elaborate or personalized styles are a privilege reserved for those who do. Enjoy your free time until Orientation! Participation is mandatory for all new and past arrivals. Winter is here and snow flurries are common in the Up while the slush collects in the Down. |
 After stepping through the door and participating in Orientation, LIERs are assembled together in the Up for a tour of Duplicity in its entirety. Seats are in pairs and randomly assigned to Dominants and Submissives alike. Traveling from Fiddler's Square, the train journeys through various parts of the Up, showcasing society and examples of lifestyle. Along the way, frequent stops are made; a variety of passengers can be seen exiting and entering the doors. A Dominant with a kneeling Submissive takes a seat near the front of the train at one stop. A small group of Submissives board and sit closer to the LIERs at another, all seemingly content in their roles. As the tour continues through the Up, the train passes close to the Market and White Wall Bridge and zips by North Park before heading into the Down and bypassing Red Wall Bridge and South Park. The train makes a "final" stop at Riddler's Square, where inhabitants of the Down are instructed to return to their temporary housing. Those who live in the Up are permitted to stay on the train and revisit the same locations while returning. |
 (cw: sensory deprivation, coercion, dub-con/non-con) One of the workshops at this month's Orientation pairs Dominants with Submissives for an exercise in blind chemistry. Literally — they'll all be blindfolded before meeting their partner and the blindfolds must stay on! They will be encouraged to explore with their other senses, such as touch and taste. Kissing is the bare minimum of what's expected, though no one will stop them should they want to take things further… Each pair will get around 10-15 minutes together (unless they really hit things off) before switching to a new partner. Some participants may also be tapped for a secondary exercise in which Submissives remain blindfolded, while Dominants are not. Dominants may do as they wish with them and may choose whether to keep their partner or swap blindfolded Subs back and forth with other Dominants. |
 (cw: aphrodisiacs, public sex) With fresh snowfall blanketing the city in white, a festive winter feeling still hangs in the crisp air. Throughout the Up there are horse-drawn sleigh rides being offered on discount to Dominants and their Submissives to enjoy. Newcomers are also given tickets at Orientation in their goodie bags to use for a ride, so long as they do it with someone else, whether it be a person of the opposite designation or even as a Submissive pair. Just no pairs of Dominants! Sit back, relax, and cuddle up close to your companion as you listen to the sleigh bells and the muffled clip clop of horse hooves through the snow. The weather is finally cold enough for Duplicity's outdoor skating rink to open for the season and it does so with free skate rentals, so long as skaters attend as a Dom/Sub pair. It's common to see pairs skating together, holding hands, or Submissives dutifully on their knees to help lace the skates of their Dominants. Those who don't have a partner to skate with are not so subtly encouraged to find one by the staff. There is a small coffee stand inside adjacent to the skate rental counter that sells snacks and warm drinks, most of them laced with mild aphrodisiacs. Pay no mind to those who decide to warm themselves up in other ways in the stalls of the locker rooms — there's plenty of room for everyone. The New Year seems to leave people in high spirits and it isn't uncommon to see citizens of all ages playing in the snow together, whether it be making snowmen (some rather well-endowed), snow angels, or whipping snowballs at one another. The fun seems to be infectious and, even if you're not the type to indulge in such frivolity, you may find yourself compelled to. The more one plays in the snow, the stronger the urge to warm up with someone else may become. |
 (cw: aphrodisiacs, dub-con, sadomasochism, altered mental states, sexual compulsions, excessive fluids, spontaneous orgasms, bondage, cockwarming) Snowflakes are falling on the tents and stalls of the annual winter market that lines the streets around Fiddler's Square. Strings of light criss-cross the square, providing a cheerful glow against gray winter skies and the cold nights, and there are tables set up in the street itself for people to sit and chat while having a snack — if they can stand the cold. Booths selling everything from soaps, scented lotions, candles, jewelry and other crafts to colorful bondage gear and winter themed sex toys are arranged in neat, easy to navigate rows. The most popular food and beverage stalls are giving away free half-size samples — in limited quantities, get them while you can! These effects tend to last an hour or two and may, in some cases, linger for up to a full day. Meanwhile, if you're looking for something a little more lasting in terms of warmth, why not try one of the booths hawking some winter accessories? Ranging from thick, plush scarves to soft mittens, there's nothing out of the ordinary about these offerings, at least at first. Those who do make a purchase might find their new knitwear comes with some unexpected urges, ones that only become more pressing the longer these items are worn and will persist even after their removal. Scarves, for instance, will make the individual suddenly compelled to participate in some bondage (either giving or receiving), while anyone wearing mittens will experience a sudden and insatiable desire to engage in some type of fingering — even if it's not exactly specified where. Meanwhile, if you happen to be donning a winter hat, you could very well find yourself facing the urge to pursue some… warming, either with one particular body part or a more general exchange of sharing heat with someone else. It's cold out there! The best thing anyone can do right now is bundle up and snuggle up. Effects from the winter wear will last until the specific desire is sated, and after that, there'll be nothing out of the ordinary about these knitted purchases at all. |
Please read carefully. On each Test Drive Meme, there will be a section noting character roles; these will vary each TDM. On an IC level, characters will still have gone through the doors but the assignments are OOCly randomized. When applying, there is a section of the application that denotes whether the character chooses "left" or "right." When participating on the TDM, there will be a third option. Players may link either a top level or a thread (five or more comments from their character) from the TDM and title the link as "Door Pass." This means that the player is choosing to take the designation that they were randomly assigned on the TDM, rather than taking the designation of a door. If the player decides to select a door rather than use the pass, then they are trying their luck; they may get the same designation they had on the TDM or the opposite. Once the application is submitted, players can't change their choice. To assign roles to characters for this TDM, use the following guide: If your character is more inclined to fight, they are a Dominant. If your character is more inclined toward flight, they are a Submissive. To Note: Characters can only swap their designation for one of the following reasons: an event occurs that allows it or there are OOC reasons that make it a necessity. Any swap always requires mod approval and each character can only ever switch once. Characters that are being reapped will keep their previous designation but players can choose to tag on new TDMs with different designations for fun! Test Drive threads can be used as activity proofs for characters currently in-game. Please remember to mark any necessary content, and have fun!! |
omg zack buddy... (he's such a downer i'm so sorry)
he's hallucinating. right? there's just no logical way to explain what he's seeing, slammed back into that moment he'd felt connected with the lifestream as the geostigma had been washed away. all that guilt and the weight he carried with him constantly, the thought of the memorial he'd put up and visited so often that it was more of a home than anywhere else... cloud couldn't focus. for a moment, he doesn't think he's even breathing, the sharp pounding of his heart too loud to allow him to hear his voice. a voice and face and spirit he carried with him. )
I'm... ( he's distantly aware of the sweat still gathering at the back of his neck but manages to choke out his name. ) Zack?
( how long has it been since he'd said it aloud? cloud tries to blink, taking in the other man's posture—all of it exactly the same as he remembered. if he thinks about it too long, he's going to be sick. )
How is this possible? ( maybe he's dead now too. it's the only explanation. )
Re: it's okay, zack's has his moments too(I took him from his death in og crisis core. ;3;)
Nah silly, You're Cloud and I'M Zack. [He jokes and takes another sip of his warm drink, suddenly remembering he had it and offers some to Cloud]
Hey bud, you look like you could use a drink, have some of this for now? I can get us something else if you want.
[Those words ring in his ears, repeating over and over. 'How is it possible?' He knows, Cloud remembers his death. He had hoped in some way maybe it wouldn't linger with him but it seems that wasn't the case. The smile on his own face falter for a moment before he's just laughing instead.]
Not really sure, just woke up here one day. I take it you did too...and you're...[His eyes travel lower and stop on the mark at Cloud's neck, where the basic collar of a submissive is. Something about Cloud in a collar bothers him, really truly bothers him and that smile completely fades. Haven't they been through enough? Why does Cloud have to be a submissive here?]...you're a submissive...aren't you?
the worst timeline T_T
maybe zack notices that he's older now too. twenty-three, to be exact. give or take some months. he'd practically been a fetus in the years they'd known each other, but that isn't what matters now. it can't be. if this is some second chance at forgiveness, he'll take it and hold onto it for as long as he can. which is why he numbly accepts the drink zack offers him and stares at it for a few seconds before taking a drink.
it's warm. he's already too warm for some reason. )
Yeah. ( his voice is thick, fingers squeezing at the cup to the point he almost crushes it before trying to calm down. ) I still don't know what that means. This place isn't very helpful with explanations.
( he'd been to orientation but had only half-listened, trying to figure out a way to leave. or escape. all of that felt pointless now as he continued to stare at zack and how little he'd changed. he wouldn't have changed though, and that hurts cloud in a way he can't seem to swallow, though he does reach up to slowly pull the knitted cap off his head. )
I think something's wrong, ( he says a second later. ) Everything feels... too hot.
Re: I love the pain
The movement of Cloud taking his hat off, the way his hair sort of springs back into shape takes him out of his darker thoughts and his expression of anger turns to one of concern. Instinctively he reaches for Cloud, taking his glove off to check his forehead and yeah, Cloud's burning up.]
Did you eat or try anything weird? When I first came I ate popcorn and had a major boner for a bit.
[Strange, he doesn't know why he just admitted that to Cloud of all people. He continues on anyway and lets his hand rest on Cloud's shoulder.]
Do you want to come back to my place? You can take a cold shower if you want. I have things you can wear after. I bet you'd look really fucking sexy in them.
[Again Zack pauses and his face turns a deep red.]
I....I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.
[He's just going to cover his mouth and look away from Cloud.]
saaame 😌
what? why is zack talking about things like that? popcorn that can cause erections? is that why he's feeling so hot? but as far as he recalls, he hadn't actually eaten anything, and the only thing he'd consumed is the cider he'd absently taken another drink of. at least he's distracted by the touch of zack's hand to his skin and the weight of it against his shoulder... he's real. this feels too real.
even the way zack practically flushes scarlet is real, and for some reason, he doesn't feel as taken aback by what he says. he probably should be, but all it does is deepen the warmth in his belly. )
Maybe it's this, ( he offers eventually, holding the cup up before he decides to toss it in a nearby trashcan. ) If it'll help, I'll go with you. I wouldn't mind having your hands on me again.
( ... oh. well. now it's cloud's turn to red. )
Sorry. That isn't what I meant. ( but something tells him that it had been. )
Re: also I couldn't pass the idea of bbygirl zack talking dirty
I think you're right buddy.
[He pulls Cloud a little closer as he walks a little faster, forgetting he has longer legs then Cloud. He just knows he wants to get away from this crowd, especially if he's going to start spouting nonsense.]
I'm going to make you feel so good Cloud, you'll be begging for more.
[He pauses, shakes his head and just keeps walking, face as red as before. Hopefully Cloud understands that he doesn't really mean that. At least he doesn't even know if Cloud liked him like that. Last he remembered Cloud had a crush on a girl, and maybe Sephiroth.]
please embarrass him SO MUCH lmao
Make me feel good how?
( it's not an innocent question. he doesn't mean it like that.
mostly, he just wants to pretend zack didn't mention anything about begging. and now certainly isn't the time to get into who and what he might be attracted to. zack and sephiroth both had been high up on that list at one point, but all he's thinking about is how close zack is to him and how his brain is telling him it's not enough. )
I don't know why I'm saying any of this, ( he confesses, just so zack understands. )
Re: fun fact, zacks still a virgin soooo
[Zsck can feel more nonsense just wanting to come out of his mouth so instead he just keeps it closed and shakes his head. They continue on their way like this until they are out of the crowd. The moment they are free Zack pulls Cloud closer and lifts him into his arms without a second thought. Its not the first time hes had to carry Cloud and probably wouldn't be the last. Previously he had been worried on hurting Cloud or making him sicker so he had to be gentle and couldn't hold him in his arms like a princess as he currently was. Here in this world they weren’t running from people trying to kill them, here he could really just hold him.]
It's quicker.
[He manages to say as he starts to run with Cloud in his arms. He's worried, just picking him up like this he can tell how warm Cloud is. Way too warm for the temperature. He needs to cool down and rest. If only he had some kind of healing materia here...]
That's my good boy, just close your eyes and rest.
[Again its partial nonsense but Zack just going to keep trying to ignore it right now.]
how has he managed that hahaha
this is not how he'd ever imagined their reunion to be, conscious of every point of contact and awkwardly stiff until he forces himself to relax. there's also no way he's going to close his eyes either, frowning as he realizes their proximity is only causing him to sweat worse than before. he thinks he needs to strip out of his clothes, his skin so oversensitive that it's uncomfortable, and he holds tight to the front of zack's jacket. )
I can walk the rest of the way.
( he needs to or he's going to internally combust. is this what it's like being engulfed by the flames of a summon? firaga? cloud swallows around more words that are trying to escape him, something about getting them both out of their clothes, and instead, there's a minor prickle of guilt surfacing. )
You don't have to take care of me. ( even though he knows that isn't how zack operates. )
Re: WITH MUCH DIFFICULTY but he's stubborn and done other stuff
[Zack keeps moving, trying not to focus on the smaller bundle of his best friend in his arms. It feels so warm having Cloud so close, so familiar and gets his heart racing. As he's running it starts to snow and once he's near the public Dominant housing he pauses and does put Cloud back on the ground.]
I'd always take care of you Cloud, you mean a lot to me.
[He sticks his hand out, letting some snow fall into his bare palm as he turns, smiling and looking at Cloud. For a moment they are back in Modeoheim, Cloud's just as baby faced as he remembers and wearing his new infantry uniform. There is so much life and hope in those blue eyes. It only lasts a moment before it's back to the Cloud he sees now. Those eyes glowing with mako energy and something almost similar to Sephiroth. It's not his Cloud's eyes. His own expression sadness for a moment as he reaches for Cloud and touches his cheek with one hand at first. Still so soft, so warm. It is his Cloud.]
I've missed you....so much.
[His own emotions are too strong for the mulled wine in the moment as he gives into himself and cups Cloud's face in both his larger hands. Those feelings he's still not sure what to call resurface. His time here he's been thinking about everyone he knew back home and what he had felt for them, if he would have pursued anything if things were different. Cloud was always someone he couldn't fully explain those feelings for and even now it's a mixture of things but he knows that he wants to hold him, protect him and shower affection on him. That's with or without anything forcing him.]
We should...we should go inside. Undress and I'll cool you down.
[Despite his words he doesn't let go of his face, unmoving from this spot as the snow falls around them.]
WELP
cloud wants to tell him that his memories are still fuzzy sometimes, mixing things together in a way that don't make sense, and even when he finally sorts them out, it leaves him confused. the times he'd spent with zack had been good in a way he'd never had with anyone else. of course he's connected with other people, made friends who have stuck by his side, but he'd never opened up quite as much with another person as he had zack. tifa doesn't count, he thinks absently. they'd grown up together, had known each other longer than anyone, and zack—
he'd died. he'd died trying to protect them, to save him. some of those moments are so hazy still, swimming in mako and blurred out, but he can recall bits and pieces of conversation. how zack had taken to talking to him along the way. how much he'd cared about him. and the gentle way he puts him down when they reach where zack presumably lives feels momentous somehow. the hands on his face jar his thoughts, anchoring him to the spot as he stands there and stares up at him.
the cold and the snow are only a backdrop now. he feels the weight of zack's words and the heat of his hands, and he knows his eyes are wet before he even blinks. )
I tried, ( he whispers, suddenly afraid of his own emotions. i tried to save you. ) Zack... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.
( cloud can't bring himself to move despite zack's suggestion, only lifting his hands to curl them around zack's wrists and hold him there. )
Re: Oh that hurt my heart in the best way.
It's okay. I was never upset at that, never ever. I promise I.. [His own voice is hushed, only for Cloud to hear and in their own little world in the snow.] I wish you never had to go through that. You were an innocent in all this. [He leans in more, his forehead pressed against Cloud's. The coolness of his body meeting Cloud's warmth.]
Please don't cry...I'm here. I'm here and I won't leave you again. It's the one good thing about us being different...I can take care of you again here.
[Their noses meet and Zack's so close to taking Cloud's lips against his own but he'd never without Cloud's okay. As much as he'd love to he doesn't want this moment to be sullied with a lust that clouds how they are feeling. He's sure he'd never get this change again to tell Cloud this.]
i love them so much 🥺
still, there's so much he wants to tell zack too. how he'd tried to carry his legacy, fighting for what he felt had been right. how the world had nearly been destroyed, but they'd survived it, only to have remnants crawling back to find him. how many times he'd encountered and fought sephiroth—for real. not just some backwards attempt at running him through when his back had been turned.
cloud tries to focus on all of that, but the warm pressure of zack's mouth against his skin ignites the heat burning low through his body. he shivers, unable to help it (or stop it), and the hands around zack's wrist squeeze, pulling and urging him close as he turns his head to meet zack's mouth without a word. it's a gentle kiss, uncertain until whatever's actually wrong with him decides that, yes, this is exactly what he wants.
he gets an arm around zack's neck, his breath heavy. )
I can take care of you this time too. ( and he means that more than anything. )
Re: me as well🥺
Or at least he wanted to. The plan was to get Cloud upstairs but then those lips are on his and any plan he had flies off the window. He'd been thinking of Cloud late at night recently. With his PHS back he had photos to look back of them, would sometimes try and count every freckle on his friends cheeks and always he'd wonder one thing. How nice would it be to cuddle Cloud? Kissing was never even on his radar, why upset himself with something he'd never get a chance to try? Only it was happening and he was too busy being shocked by it to respond properly until his own lips chased Cloud's and he kissed him in return.
There is a warmth shared between them when their lips part, and Zack's eyes are still hyper focused on Cloud's lips at this point. He hears the words his friend says but it takes him a moment before he responds.]
We can care for eachother...together maybe.
[He doesn't mean it as a couple but if Cloud takes it as such then he won't tell him otherwise. Instead he forces his body to move and takes Cloud's hand as he goes into the building, pulling Cloud along to the elevator at the end of the lobby.]
How are you feeling?
no subject
he'd just kissed zack. and zack had kissed him back? why? it's not as if he's never kissed anyone before, but it's the shock of feeling his friend's mouth and knowing what he tastes like that has him... well, confused isn't the word. in all of his jumbled memories, he'd idolized zack to the point of a gentle crush. their friendship had always meant more though, so he'd never said anything, and he doesn't say anything now, following zack on wobbly legs inside the building. )
Still warm. ( less intense, but his mouth continues moving without his permission. ) I want you to kiss me again.
( if zack happens to catch a glimpse of his face, he'll notice the unabashed dismay at the way he continues blurting out things he doesn't mean. or maybe he means them, but he doesn't need to say them. either way, he drops his gaze to the floor and wishes for the elevator to come quickly. )
no subject
Looking back he does notice Cloud's not looking at him and he hears those words for another kiss. It's tempting, but should he be so greedy? Shouldn't they talk about this more and maybe see if this is something they'd regret later once sober?
When the elevator arrives Zack's quick to pull Cloud in, almost picking him up again and closing the door before anyone can join them, he keeps Close close to him. His smaller friend pressed against his chest and his arms protectively around him.]
Maybe...I just...I don't want you to hate the idea later. I'd like to kiss you all over, Cloud.
[His grip on him tightens with those words as the elevator beeps and they reach his floor. He does carry Cloud this time to his front door, struggling to find his keys to get the door open.]
Can you...reach in my back pocket for me?
no subject
it all just feels too real not to be. )
All over? I... ( his fingers curl loosely into zack's jacket once more. ) I could never hate you.
( and maybe that sentiment is lost in how easily he's picked up again, sighing his protest quietly before blinking at zack's request. oh, right. they're probably at zack's apartment, and leaning over, he carefully fishes for what he assumes are keys of some kind. he doesn't get the right one on the first try though and incidentally gropes him for a brief second. )
I really can walk, Zack. ( said as he holds up the keys he finally finds. )
no subject
I don't want to let you go. I know you can walk...
[Zack takes the keys and opens the door. His apartment is cluttered just like how Zack's room would have been. There is clothes spread out and things that don't look like Zack's in the apartment as well. It's clear it's more than one person living here but that person isn't home at the moment. Zack carries Cloud to his room with the bed unmade and sheets nearly falling off the mattress. He's careful to place him down but he doesn't join Cloud on the bed, instead standing at the edge and biting his lower lip in thought.]
Are you....is it still unbearable the warmth?
no subject
cloud remains silent as he's carried into the apartment and through it, catching brief glimpses of things he wants to ask about. someone else is staying there with him, that much is evident, but it's not his business to ask about it unless zack wants to talk about it first. and once he's on his bed, hands absently spreading over the sheet and parts of a rumpled blanket, he settles his gaze on zack almost carefully.
he doesn't want to lie, and just the thought of it disappears. it's not like he could hide it either, the deep flush to his pale skin settling in his face and neck and probably all the way down his chest. cloud shifts uncomfortably. )
Yeah. ( a slight pause, and he pushes a hand through his hair, noting the sweat there. ) It was better when you were touching me.
( that's all he's got as far as notable observations go. )
no subject
He does lean down, his hands going on either side of Cloud’s body as he gets onto the bed, crawling over his friend and thus pinning him below him. He only stops when his face is above Cloud’s, his longer legs dangling a bit off the edge of the bed still.]
This is real...right? You're...You're here and you won't disappear on me this time?
[When Zack had arrived he had seen another Cloud for a brief moment and had never had much time to talk to him or hear his story. This was different he hoped. He didn't want this cloud to leave him.]
Please don't leave me
[There is a sadness to those usually bright happy mako eyes. A sadness that Cloud might be able to remember that Zack had when he thought Cloud wasn't paying attention. He was lonely, worried and a little heartbroken. Those cracks in his happy armor showing.]
I'll make sure you feel better...just don't go after. Okay? Please?
[and its with that final plea that Zack starts to touch Cloud again and despite his earlier promises hes incredibly gentle and slow as he cupps Cloud’s sweat glistening face with one hand. The other trails down his neck, to his chest and touches at his side, noticing how firm and lean Cloud’s waist dips. Their lips meet once more but without the hunger from before as his hand finds the bottom of Cloud’s shirt and pulls it upa little, touching that hot, soft skin.]
no subject
of course he wants to reassure him. he wants to believe that, more than anything, zack will stay with him too. )
I won't go anywhere, ( he promises, the words heavy on his tongue. ) I'm real. This is real.
( there are still so many things in his life that confuse him, but cloud doubts he could ever believe something like this to be a lie. zack is too warm, too solid. the touch of his hands under his shirt and the weight of his mouth as they kiss sinks in like a hook through his heart and reels him in.
cloud sighs with relief, opening up to urge zack to deepen the contact between them. the heat is less intense in the wake of zack's exploring fingers, but it still isn't enough. the gentleness has him tensing up just slightly, his own hands smoothing along zack's shoulders and along the upper part of his back. just to feel him, to memorize the curve of his muscles. trying to remember what he'd thought zack must have felt like isn't the same as experiencing it, and his fingers creep into the hair at the nape of zack's neck, pushing through the strands to commit that sensation to memory as well. )
no subject
Cloud...
[He mumbles into the kiss, lips still pressed against Cloud's fuller ones. His friend did always have the nicest lips of any man or woman he'd ever seen. His taste is something unique too. Zack's not an expert in kissing and would never claim to be but he's kissed a few people now and Cloud has his heart beating rapidly. It's almost as in a fuse has been ignited and every kiss after is just making more and more sparks.
He can't help but pull away if only to look at Cloud's face once more, needing to take in every new nuisance to that face he used to know so well.]
You've grown so much....so handsome. I hardly recognize you. [He means it as a good thing and he hopes his bittersweet smile conveys that as he kisses Cloud's nose, still as cute as he remembers.]
Is this...is this okay...kissing you? I know you need it but....do you want this Cloud? [He pauses, leaning back to sit up and straddle Cloud. He doesn't take his shirt off but he does make sure everything else is off.] What I mean to say is...do you want me of all people touching you...
no subject
he wants to stay in this moment now. with zack.
cloud pushes up onto his elbows, observing the other man carefully. he's still dressed himself, his clothes ones he'd found that hadn't exactly fit. they're loose, but it's not like it matters, especially since zack doesn't bother to remove his shirt. he wants to tug it away, let his hands spread across his skin and explore. it seems like a purposeful boundary though, and instead, he meets zack's gaze with partial confusion. )
Why wouldn't I want it to be you? ( he's not even considering the reality that zack's dead back home. he's so alive right there in front of him. ) I thought about you every day.
( maybe not in this exact context, but... ) I still think about you.
no subject
You...wanted me? All that time we were friends?
[He tries to think back on their friendship, on all the times that little cadet would come meet him for drinks or whatever Zack wanted to do. Cloud really was like a puppy back then who craved his attention. How could he not notice it? Was he so blinded that he didn't realize the love and affection right there in front of him?]
I never....I thought...
[He remembers Nibelheim, how sweetly Cloud asked him to meet his mother, wanted to introduce him to his only family. That was Cloud confessing in his own way, wasn't it? It makes sense now but then he thought it was just like meeting a besties family too. Zack really was a fool.]
I was so oblivious. I'm so sorry Cloud I never thought..I thought we were just friends.
[His face goes a deep red as he just leans back into Cloud's chest, hiding his face there out of sheer embarrassment at it all. He hugs Cloud as he hides against him.]
I can't believe you like me, my little Spike like likes me.
no subject
cloud has to think about it seriously for a moment, trying to sort through his memories of the time they'd had together. zack had reassured him, had encouraged him. he'd been friendly and teased him, and in return, cloud had wanted to share so much with him. his home, his family... he'd even agreed to going on a "date" with him at one point, and maybe, because the thought hadn't occurred to him exactly, he hadn't thought about crossing any lines.
but then... why had he held onto the memory of him for so long and so hard?
maybe, in a way, zack had been his first love. he'd just never had the time to really think about it until now. )
You don't have to apologize. ( he's not sure why he thinks he has to, slowly curling an arm around him to embrace him in return. it feels good to have him close, the solid weight of his body against him, and slowly, cloud pushes his fingers into zack's hair. ) You were... You're important to me.
( if only zack knew how much. he does his best to console him, though he's not particularly good at it. )
We don't have to do this if you don't want to. ( he could manage on his own somehow. )
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)